dickhead at the fireworks

So, my friends and I were chillin' at the Blueberry Festival in Wilton, Maine. We were sitting on a blanket behind some guys car. We were not touching his damn toyota piece of shit... But he limps over and says so impolitely, "stop bumping the fucking car." ... we all look around wondering who bumped his damn car... no one did. Then he started his car, and we all stood up. My sister walked over and asked, "do you have a problem?" ... "no. I just don't want you to touch the fucking car." He left his car on for a while and then we sat down. And continued to chill (: ... he then turned off his car and here we sit... like motherfucking bitches xD

warning: contains lovey dovey gushyness

I knew it... all along I knew that if I just heard his voice or saw his face everything would make sense again... I love David with my entire being. I love his smile and his laugh. I love the way he makes me feel like a beautiful, wonderful princess (: ♥ ...  I love that no matter what he will always love me, and always want me... I love that I know that... I love our stupid jokes and weird quirks. I love him so much (: and I can't see myself without him! ... (:

help

I am so beyond confused... and lost... and torn. </3 :/

logically and technically this can't be true love

My heart hurts because it knows that I have to go back...  I have to return to the place I hate and back to a family I can't stand... My heart hurts because realizing how much I love these two people is killing me. Technically, and logically, my choice is already made and I can't do anything about anything... but in my head, where I live, everything is different... I just want to scream! ... I want to confess everything to someone! But I can't! Because the two people I can confess everything to, are the two people my mind and my heart are fighting over!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!!!!!! OR WHAT I'M FEELING!!!!! IT'S DRIVING ME FUCKING INSANE!!!!!!!! ... gahhhhhhhhhhh........

My mind is telling me that logically and technically, David is my one and only choice... and true love. But my heart is telling me to follow it, and that maybe Josh has and always will be my one true friend... my true love...

... some one shoot me.

couples dispute

So, the boyfriend and I got in a huge fight last night. It was awful. There was yelling and cold shoulders and hanging up and callbacks... ugh. You wanna know what we were fighting about? Gay people. Inparticular, my best friend who happens to be gay. You see, I'm in Maine for a few weeks visiting family and friends, my only friend is my ex-boyfriend who is now gay and who has been my absolute best friend for as long as I remember... and he was my first love. I'm not going to hate him because he chose an unhealthy and "unGodly" lifestyle, like David wants me to... I love my best friend, and he has always been there for me... for as long as I can remember... he saved my life... multiple times. I really do love him... so sorry if I refuse to hate one of the only people I love in this wretched world.

But, David texted me this morning and apologized... and I did too. We were both wrong, but too stubborn to realize. Things are better, but I'm still a bit upset.

a new me (:

So I have a few changes to the physical me... and emotional me too... I got my braces off(: yay♥ my hair is a darker red, and as of this very moment... I'm different. I'm happy... probably because I'm back in my hometown with my family... and him♥ ... I know, that's crazy... he doesn't even bat for my team anymore!! Haha. But maybe because of our past I'll always love him... but whatever... he makes me happy, and I love having him as my best friend... ever (:

Forbidden Love and Forever Love.

It's hard to be in love with two people at once. Loving one with you're entire heart and soul and promising them your love and future and affection... but then loving the other with passion, and everytime you see them you're reminded of your past with them, and loving how they treat you and understand you... it's insane, and a strain on the heart... but I know it will go away when I leave, and return to his forever arms... because let's be real, this feeling is just the past haunting me and the thrill of something forbidden.