when i almost gave up.

A week before Thanksgiving in two-thousand ten, roughly two to three weeks before my fourteenth birthday, I almost gave up.

Everything had been awesome. I was in a relationship with a pretty cool guy, I had parents who actually loved each other, I had moved into my new, big house in May, I had some awesome friends... Things were good. And then in what seemed like an instant, everything went to shit.

My mother was pushing my father away. He was trying so hard, but she couldn't of cared less. Do you know what it's like to see your rock, your inspiration, break? Break down and cry? It's kind of like taking staples to your heart. They go in quick and hurt for a while, and eventually the pain subsides but the obstruction, the injury is still there. Ripping a bigger hole every time your heart beats. Only imagine those staples super duper fucking jumbo sized. Because eventually my father moved out of their bedroom and into the room right outside of my bedroom door, so every morning before school I got to see my father, withering away into a skinny depressed old man. I got to watch my rock slowly die, and turn into a monster. My rock became hard and distant. My rock became a boulder.

Eventually, I just couldn't take it anymore. So at first I took the sharp edge of a paper clip to my wrist, then when that didn't hurt anymore, I took a steak knife. One night while doing the dishes, while bawling my eyes out, curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor, I sliced open my left wrist. I stopped eating. I lost twenty pounds in less than two weeks. My grades dropped, I completely shut down. I was giving up. When I would go home, I'd go right to my room and take my razor. Hide in my sanctuary and cut until I was numb. Eventually it stopped burning, and I just wanted so badly to go to sleep and never wake up.

Then my father caught me. You know what my parents said when they found out? "What's wrong?" "This is obviously a cry for attention!" "What were you thinking?!" "Are you unhappy?"

YES YOU NAIVE LITTLE TWATS!!!

I was pissed. They took away my coping mechanism and told me I was being dumb. They made my older brother come down from Maine and spend a week with me. He was the only one who would listen and was there for me. He was my angel, he was my new rock.

I had gotten into drugs and such, but that was just a phase that quickly lost it's thrill...

After all that had happened, I changed. I got a whole new perspective on life, and a whole new reason to live. I don't need my family! Pfft, nahh. I've got me, myself and I! I've got amazing friends, and a bright future ahead of me!


Until life decided that that wasn't the end...